meh update

Soundtrack: A Little Bit Off Today – Five Finger Death Punch

Jun 19 2020

I am a little bit off today. A fitting song for today. I took the day off of work since I had two days left to use before my work anniversary. We cannot carry them over at this place. I got some packing done to get out of the apartment by Jul 01. Yay – win. I also published my next story chapter at 3 AM this morning LOL. I had so many things to redo, probably missed a few still. Maybe that was because I kept dozing off. It is done, regardless. So I am a little tired, probably more sluggish, but a nap may be in the works. We shall see. The weather is perfect for it… humid + rainy + hot. So I think the best way to describe ME, right now, is meh.

Meh. A word that was first introduced to me by the Emoji movie. Which, if I can add, has some comedic parts (imaging the emoji and that they were called “old-timers”), but is really not up there on the cinematic greatness scale. Meh, is described as not happy and not really sad. It is a state of in-between that doesn’t seem to have many words to describe it. For me, it has taken the place of okay. Of course, my other typical line (when asked how I am doing) is “No complaints… well none that are going to get me anywhere.” An answer that doesn’t really address how you actually are or are feeling. After running through repeated answers such as “fair/partly cloudy,” or “blessed,” or “living the dream.” I have found it, however, much simpler to say “meh.” Like a form of onomatopoeia, the word converts the emotion to a sound. Meh gives like to so-so.

I am not going to dive into politics. We are a mess. I am not going to comment on the treatment of people. We are a mess. The news makes me physiologically ill. But I try to remain educated. So I remain a little ill. Everyone seems to be so busy focusing on one angle – that we forget that it’s really… complicated. Terrible things are going on in our world right now. And I feel powerless. If I had power – would that align me with one side vs. another? It’s perplexing to think about all of the IF-THIS-THEN-THAT’s which could take place with the introduction of something as seemingly insignificant as a butterfly effect.

I have spent most of my spare time writing. I have a series, working title Devastation, that I have put most of my creative energy into. I have written things for a long time. Things. A piece of this, or part of that. A poem here… Paragraph there… This one is a layered world where things daisy chain into other things. It is also the most that I have written for one particular piece. Before this series, I had a screenplay that I had completed. It is 100+ pages – but there are far fewer words in a screenplay. It requires different creativity and imagination of the acting that would take place. Trust that the artist would convey the message as you intended but not stifled by the writer’s explicit instruction. The novel is different. While it will be a novel, technically a novella by word count, it requires planning. Rewriting when you need to add something previously to be able to use it at the moment. While the reader has an imagination, I need to paint a picture for their mind to interpret. There is also a part of me that thinks it is escapism. It is nice to develop a character and watch them grow as the story progresses. Or to take a sentence and change the direction. Just. Like. That.

It has been a while since I have just posted outside of the story. I have not been as experimental in the kitchen and I reigned in my side projects for the time being. I have focused my energy so that I can finish strong. Just finishing, will be a success for me. Many people talk about it – but for one reason or another – just do not do it. I am doing it and proud of the way that it is turning out. It is also really nice to know that I have a small audience. And several regular readers say that it is good. No, I am not King, or Grisham, or [insert your fav here]. I am me, with my style and my voice. I will press on if you do not like the story. Finishing is for me. But I will respect your opinion. I will be encouraged if you like it. I will consider your comments. Feedback is such a valuable tool. And to be honest, while I proof each chapter a few times, it is still a draft and has lots of flaws. It’s not book publishing quality yet. Sometimes I have to take my magical story eraser and supercharged pencil and redefine something that was going off the track, and sometimes it started several chapters ago. That can be a lot of erasing. Also, a lot of researching my own story (what did I call that place again? what day is it? what was his name?).

So, in light of the meg, I wanted to send a hello out there. I am still here, glad you are too. Why not try something different today? Take a moment and collect yourself. It is not always selfish to do things for you. Drink that coffee and stare out of the window. Walk outside. What do you see? Go for that walk. Zoom with a friend or family member. It is going to be Father’s Day soon. Take the time to gather your families. Zoom if you must/or FaceTime (or whatever). I wish you all the best.

ww,
joe

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