I was shown a graph today that was startling. The graph, here, shows the lagging impacts of the virus. Which, then caused me to think again (as if I have not thought about it already), social distancing. This graphic came to mind. I went on my rant, yesterday, so I am going to step back for a bit and work on something else.
WW. joe
Sh*t is going to get real people. If you are not taking this seriously, there are other ways to get your thrill of not caring. Get in a car, and drive near a cliff. I bet you can’t put one set of wheels over.
I say that out of both love and frustration. I went to the store – and observed people walking up to others – hugging them – and breaking the “rules” of everything that we are being told. It angers me, which leads me to the opening statement. I have the same feeling about meth labs. At the moment in which a person puts others in jeopardy, regardless of the situation, I develop some form of rage. I started to say road rage – but that doesn’t really cut it. I have no problem with a care-free life. I have no problem with people that want to indulge in things – for themselves. But, from both personal experience, large amounts of research, and other experiences, the impacts that move beyond self to others – never turns out well. Never may be too strong, but even if the results are not doom and gloom – the “other people” (defined as not yourself) don’t necessarily have a say…
While where I am is locked down, but no one is really listening. It has not impacted many directly. It is a friend of a friend – or someone that I knew. It is out “there” or “someone else” or “somewhere else.” And when we realize “it” we will be so far into the weeds that we will have to wade through the tangles. I care. About my kids. Your kids. Neighbor kids. About the elderly man that I do not know. About the grandma that makes amazing cookies that we get to hear about. And the disregard to that – pisses me off. I started typing this with a let’s be positive. I really didn’t plan on this episode nor did I stew about it all day. I read the headlines from the news. Took the punches where they fell… Then I see blatant disregard. Lividity ensued.
I care about you. Maybe too much. And want the best that we can have. So many choices are going to be made for us, if not already, very soon.
Warmest wishes… (that was a bit forced)… trying to move back to the positive… Ok, I am going to write my sci-fi novel now.
Prepare for a brain-dump. Tenses and words smattered all over the place. My mental soup right now. #SorryNotSorry.
I was thinking of the movie Avatar this morning. Specifically, the vlogs that the main character does through the project that he is a part of. While I do not want to or have that in me, I was thinking about blogging. I think that is healthy to have some form of communication that we can count on. Also, how it will act as a time/date stamp for some of the highlights going on. This site is my platform for sharing points that I wanted to make – but it has also become a form of journaling for me. I have the Red Book, that I keep for some “adventures” that Q and I have, but some of the thoughts do not flow into the theme for that book. Right now, my thoughts are a hodge-podge of things. It feels like I am… well we… are constantly figuring things out. And wrapping up an entry in the Red Book, I realized there will be limited adventures for an undetermined about of time.
This week was intense. So many days seem to be like that now. Not quite at tally the days on the wall with chalk – but not that far off either. One of my daughters had a birthday this week. My oldest, one of my boys, turned 16 this week. Amazing positive highlights in life – and even more so in this time, we are in. Six years ago this week, grandma passed away. (I spent some time, and tears, watching her remembrance video.) I do have a separate post that I am working on, specifically, about those topics – but it is taking time to process all that I want to say. Heavy emotions, tears, and frustrations come out when I walk through those topics. So, I have to dip in and out of those right now. I want to capture all of the thoughts – and this post is more a collective set of thoughts for the week.
I find myself constantly refreshing my Google news feed. I also find myself trying to be hyper-alert to everything. Even in a form of isolation, I find it exhausting. I still feel like venturing out is a primitive hunting party. While I have only done that a couple of times (once before lockdown and once after), I imagine it as a warzone with enemy fire everywhere. It cannot be intense all of the time though. I have found comfort in small things right now. While I drive to and from work, I have continued listening to audio segments. I use Hoopla, Libby (Overdrive), and Apple Podcasts most of the time. While working, I have been streaming Amazon music. At the house, I have had some form of music or audio playing most of the time. To sleep, many nights, I have learned to appreciate the Calm app, that Q swears by.
This week, I went back to work on Tuesday. I took a few days off to filter through some thoughts in the prior week. The weather today was beautiful so a few moments outside have been nice. After work most nights this past week I sat and just stared at my Mac screen. I desperately want to write… I have about 90% of my science fiction story mapped. Friday night, I started character building. You know, names, specific attributes that define them and how that impacts the story. Their quirks. Saturday, I ran to Dillon’s and slogged through the isles trying to be hypervigilant to avoid any real contact. I was able to get most things on the list, aside from yeast. People are apparently baking more right now. We also watched a few shows on Netflix and broke out a DVD. Sunday morning we had a Zoom gathering and I am trying to think through things for the week. Are there preparations that I can do? Or that I need to do? I finished the week making breakfast for dinner and (inspired by a blogger that I read) I baked. Cinnamon raised bread. Nom-nom-nom. Well, I am predicting at this point – it is finishing the baking step now. I am imagining taking a slice and dunking it in melted butter. Just like a breadstick from Pizza-Hut.
Now to finish the night. The home stretch. My goal, still, is to start writing the first pages of my book. We…shall…see…
WW. -joe
I was thinking about the world a bit. How China has people that have re-tested positive for COVID-19. Or perhaps, they were never cured? We don’t know what we don’t know and that, friends, is scary to me. My mind continues to wander all over the place and like a complicated game of lights out, I cannot get them all. Wrapping up this week – and wondering what the next will have in store for us. I do see glimmers of hope in basic humanity. The silver lining, if I can find one. I did not intend to go on a rant, but it looks like my sci-fi story will wait another day. Prepare…bleeeeghhh…
I mention us as spoiled, since I was thinking about what a lockdown is, or could be. I was thinking about how we have declared only essential functions still be performed, and just like the bureaucrats, have missed the mark. I mean, I need my Starbucks. My for-profit sandwich place is still open. I still get to interact with people making it. Handing it to me. And we are kidding ourselves if that is protecting us. While the lack of crowds is a great step, we neglect to think about the young man or young woman working today for that sandwich. They may have a grandma in their home. Or younger brother and sister. We have convinced ourselves that we are doing something, which is better than nothing, and by the way, we really didn’t lose a whole lot of convenience. The contact is still there – and while it may not be exploiting all of the risks – the curve is not going to flatten. A lockdown should be painful. Truly isolating. We have done the equivalent of sending the misbehaving child to his or her room with a video game awaiting. But they are in their room… Checkbox.
I don’t know right now. I have never felt so aimless in my life. Scratch that, I have. But never, like this, without some structure. In the prior case of aimlessness, I chose to avoid the structure. Rebelled maybe? Now, I read countless blogs, posts, tweets, feeds, texts… all experiencing some form of this. The news is bad. Many people are actually trying to quarantine. The news is still bad. Which of my friends or family is at greatest risk? How can I go one step further? What if… what if… what if… It probably did not help that I did my Last Will and Testament. I had not updated since my life circumstances changed. And considering the increased possibilities of things – I wanted to make sure things were taken care of.
Well, I did not intend to post today. Or go dark as I did. I heard the neighbors (a young group of guys) hanging out in their driveway… I remembered seeing another group… I saw the line at Starbucks as I drove from work. (My work is in food manufacturing – so I am still working.) Then I contemplated what would a true lockdown look like. And why do we try to do both? I don’t know. This post is rawer (less polished than some). Sorry about that. I just wanted the words out there; the thoughts worked through.
I am calling this post done today. Feedback always welcome.
I truly do wish you the best. Try to stay safe. WW. joe.
Soundtrack: Shift Work, Kenny Chesney (ft. George Strait)
Here is a question. Humor me. I have been witness to crazier things.
If, while at work, an employee gets injured while performing work the employer is responsible most of the time. I mean, there are variables to consider, but even if it was negligence by the employee, the employer is usually labeled at fault. The guarding on the equipment was not sufficient, poor training, improper tools, or something like that… The company could have done something better. Let us say that a team member, on their own time, gets hurt. The employee will likely be away from work and the employer is not in the picture other than for insurance-related questions. Just because Sammy McSliperton fell off the ladder at his house while thinking about working tomorrow the company is the cause. Now, if a team member has a personal injury but continues to work and it is worsened their work or aggravated by work that they do, or we cannot prove that it did not happen while on company time, it will likely be attributed to the employer. (Side note, people do often get injured away from work, do not realize it, and strain the injury while doing work tasks. And yes there are those that take advantage of the situation.) The key is being able to prove that with 100% certainty, the team member’s injury had nothing to do with work. And that can be hard to do.
So… that brings me to today’s perplection. If you are employed at a workplace that is still able to continue doing business, while many businesses are locked down for COVID19 prevention, and contract the virus… what then? If you are locked down outside of work, and continue to work in an “eligible and essential” industry, and contract the virus with some certainty while at work – does this fall into a work responsible litigation? If you die – could someone say it was a death attributed to or by the negligence of your employer? I mean… it’s not that far fetched. And should continuing to work qualify as hazard pay? Do businesses generate a risk for themselves by continuing to press on, despite the situation, due to infrastructure or essential responsibilities? Before you roll your eyes – remember the caution signs on coffee and the lawsuits for people being scalded because taking a drink of scalding hot coffee right from the pot is the thing to do… And there are stories of people getting ill from poor working conditions or placed in danger, somehow. I have also heard of a couple of companies temporarily increasing their wage during this time (for what I deduced as a way of helping). This is also the moment my brain appreciates the healthcare workers, police, firefighters, military, and other roles that we just could not do without right now.
Maybe it is the elephant in your room… I have overheard people jokingly discussing. I have also heard serious discussions… I would love to hear your thoughts on this. I am not saying I agree or support anything here. It is just a thought that I could not answer myself. I found myself thinking no! Then, well, what if? I have gone back and forth throughout the day. Did the company not make any efforts? Did the company force conditions without any regard to what is happening? I have heard stories, and I am sure you have too, about ridiculous situations and the court judged in favor of the plaintiff (not related to this though). Just some thoughts for today. I really cannot escape the news of COVID-19. So it is fresh in my mind…
Soundtrack: Everybody Knows, Sigrid.
I was off today as I used PTO that I have accrued. Now seemed just as good of a time as any. Everything is going to be all right. The mantra of the day anyway.
I started the day off with an intake appointment for my new therapist. After trying, a lot, I found someone that seems to fit. And they had an opening, which is always a plus. As I mentioned in a prior post, most of my attempts to make contact fell through. Everyone that I contacted seemed to have a full schedule. With the COVID19/Coronavirus pandemic going on it moved to an online session. Which, I think, will be more of the normal going forward. The session was what I would consider very normal. As we noted in our discussion, the only missing element is the IRL contact. The body cues or non-verbal communication that we send; it is important, but not a deal-breaker. The meeting was good. A great step in the self-care journey that I am embarking on. However, it did put a little damper on the day. An analogy would be a jar with sediments or things that settled, becoming stirred up and whirl around in the jar. But that is why I am meeting someone: a filter. Baby steps – right?
With Douglas Country being locked down starting tomorrow, I decided to venture out today. Groceries are still considered essential, but I decided that with the numbers indicating it will get worse, before better, that stocking up now would be better than later. Maybe it was just an excuse to get out. I mean, I did follow all of the social distancing protocols and sanitized everything before and after. I also made sure to not make contact with anyone. It was a needed trip; no lolly-gagging here. And man it was tiring. Being hyper-alert took a toll on me that I did not see coming. Jokingly, it felt a bit primitive as well. I mean it wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination, but it felt more like that today. I had to bundle up, venture out into the world, avoid contact with bad things and search for the things to make food. No skinning squirrels yet, but I am not opposed if we get there.
I head back to work tomorrow. I work in food manufacturing and that is deemed essential. It is good that the work still exists for people for several reasons. It does bring some fear and uncertainty for me though. I will have to remain diligent in my role to be functional yet, distant. I did propose that I can do a lot of my work remotely. With a laptop, I do have about 1 week’s worth of work, before I have to get creative or find something to work on. So, as you can imagine, I was disappointed when working from home was rejected. The information that was sent was “that physical presence is needed.” While I get that, it did feel like a smack in the face. And I know that it is not just me experiencing this situation. I have talked to IM’d several people who are going through similar things. There is a duty-bound side of me that feels I need to be there. There is also a self-preservation side of me that wonders if this is what is best for all of the people in my life. Respectfully, we do not make protein, or basic needs foods, so I am internally struggling. Rationalizing – either way – only goes so far. I will go into work, maintain distances, and do my best. I am not that way. #RealWorldStruggles
I started this post to get the creative juices flowing: preparing to write. The mass amount of queries that I have sent out are still out there. I have only received feedback from about 9% of them (mainly expected rejections). The project is still considered active but idle for me right now, as I mentioned previously. I have been working on my outline for an alternative living sci-fi piece. I have about 20 chapters outlined and a general idea of what is happening in the story. I am now closing gaps from main struggles to resolution, layering in foreshadowing and puzzles for the reader to be engaged with. I am mostly a pantser but have plotted a bit more this time. I guess that is called a plantser, LOL. I wanted to add lots of layers and not rework the story more than needed as I think of things that I want to add. I am enjoying writing again. I am enjoying working on and improving my craft while not feeling stagnant.
I hope your week has started with some stability. With foundational structures we took for granted in life being challenged can feel very unsettling. Perfect time for the therapy appointment I suppose. Keep educated, distant, and alert to what is going on. I have seen or heard great things (that make us human), despite the negative that will always exist. It gives me hope. Everything… eventually… will be all right.
WW. joe
Today, my partner had a virtual breakfast or coffee date with her family. We chose to use Zoom, over other options, and it worked out well. We did consider other platforms, but when it came down to meeting time we just went with the one we thought best. Maybe that is right, maybe that is wrong. The event was really nice to connect get some of the much-needed contact (we are social creatures). Regardless, a question was brought up, or a thought, rather… How will this COVID-19 aka the “Coronavirus,” impact us long beyond the fallout of the illnesses?
The first thought that came to mind when the question was posed related to the call we were making: the meeting. Many jobs require tasks to be performed by someone at a specific location. Or perhaps, several someones. However, there were a lot of roles that we were playing which were just because that is what the company wanted: the false need to have someone in a cubicle down the row. The lack of tech adaptiveness for roles by not looking into new or creative ways to get the same tasks done. Or perhaps the thought that it wouldn’t work – or that it was cost-prohibitive. There are a lot of roles that do work remotely. Even more, that flex between the option of virtual and physically present. Now, with the COVID-19 social distancing, shelter in place and other prevention strategies people are actually doing it. A lot more people are working remotely for 100% of their role. I imagine when this settles… we will have a lot more adapted and virtual workstations in the workplace. And the benefits will be for the employer and the employee.
We have also been exposed, ewww bad choice of words, to pay attention to our contact. We are watching our personal spaces now more-so than ever, I would argue. We also are paying more attention to hygiene, cleanliness and how all of those things play into contact. Some of these things are behaviors that we should have had a long time ago. We should have been washing our hands when we use the restroom. We should be wearing latex gloves when handling items that others will put in or near their mouths. While I do not think we were that far off, I have noticed more people washing their hands for a full 20 seconds with warm water. I have watched more people being aware of their habits (brushing their hair, how they cough, touching their faces…etc.). Those are positive things that we should learn from (and many, been doing all along).
I wonder when we are past this – what will be the cultural normal? When you get around to it – what do you think? Do you agree/disagree? What other changes will this make in our society longterm? I would love to entertain this thought more…
