Soundtrack: Everybody Knows, Sigrid.
I was off today as I used PTO that I have accrued. Now seemed just as good of a time as any. Everything is going to be all right. The mantra of the day anyway.
I started the day off with an intake appointment for my new therapist. After trying, a lot, I found someone that seems to fit. And they had an opening, which is always a plus. As I mentioned in a prior post, most of my attempts to make contact fell through. Everyone that I contacted seemed to have a full schedule. With the COVID19/Coronavirus pandemic going on it moved to an online session. Which, I think, will be more of the normal going forward. The session was what I would consider very normal. As we noted in our discussion, the only missing element is the IRL contact. The body cues or non-verbal communication that we send; it is important, but not a deal-breaker. The meeting was good. A great step in the self-care journey that I am embarking on. However, it did put a little damper on the day. An analogy would be a jar with sediments or things that settled, becoming stirred up and whirl around in the jar. But that is why I am meeting someone: a filter. Baby steps – right?
With Douglas Country being locked down starting tomorrow, I decided to venture out today. Groceries are still considered essential, but I decided that with the numbers indicating it will get worse, before better, that stocking up now would be better than later. Maybe it was just an excuse to get out. I mean, I did follow all of the social distancing protocols and sanitized everything before and after. I also made sure to not make contact with anyone. It was a needed trip; no lolly-gagging here. And man it was tiring. Being hyper-alert took a toll on me that I did not see coming. Jokingly, it felt a bit primitive as well. I mean it wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination, but it felt more like that today. I had to bundle up, venture out into the world, avoid contact with bad things and search for the things to make food. No skinning squirrels yet, but I am not opposed if we get there.
I head back to work tomorrow. I work in food manufacturing and that is deemed essential. It is good that the work still exists for people for several reasons. It does bring some fear and uncertainty for me though. I will have to remain diligent in my role to be functional yet, distant. I did propose that I can do a lot of my work remotely. With a laptop, I do have about 1 week’s worth of work, before I have to get creative or find something to work on. So, as you can imagine, I was disappointed when working from home was rejected. The information that was sent was “that physical presence is needed.” While I get that, it did feel like a smack in the face. And I know that it is not just me experiencing this situation. I have talked to IM’d several people who are going through similar things. There is a duty-bound side of me that feels I need to be there. There is also a self-preservation side of me that wonders if this is what is best for all of the people in my life. Respectfully, we do not make protein, or basic needs foods, so I am internally struggling. Rationalizing – either way – only goes so far. I will go into work, maintain distances, and do my best. I am not that way. #RealWorldStruggles
I started this post to get the creative juices flowing: preparing to write. The mass amount of queries that I have sent out are still out there. I have only received feedback from about 9% of them (mainly expected rejections). The project is still considered active but idle for me right now, as I mentioned previously. I have been working on my outline for an alternative living sci-fi piece. I have about 20 chapters outlined and a general idea of what is happening in the story. I am now closing gaps from main struggles to resolution, layering in foreshadowing and puzzles for the reader to be engaged with. I am mostly a pantser but have plotted a bit more this time. I guess that is called a plantser, LOL. I wanted to add lots of layers and not rework the story more than needed as I think of things that I want to add. I am enjoying writing again. I am enjoying working on and improving my craft while not feeling stagnant.
I hope your week has started with some stability. With foundational structures we took for granted in life being challenged can feel very unsettling. Perfect time for the therapy appointment I suppose. Keep educated, distant, and alert to what is going on. I have seen or heard great things (that make us human), despite the negative that will always exist. It gives me hope. Everything… eventually… will be all right.
WW. joe
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